just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
