You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
