No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
