I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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