Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
