you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
