Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
