As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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