R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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