She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
