I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
