I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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