You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
