Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
