TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
