so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
