Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
