i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
