Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dear god my vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
