Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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