i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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