i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
