shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
tell me about the eggs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
