I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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