Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
