She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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