I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
