Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
