I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
