I'm really into asian looking animals
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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