If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
