You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
