I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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