Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.