I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.