Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
