your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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