He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
