im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
