Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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