y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
