I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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