my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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