She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
