My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
