i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
