hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
