Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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