I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
