i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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