I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
