Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
