Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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