She's JV to your varsity
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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