Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
