So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You took a bar mat shot.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
