yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
