Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
