i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
