WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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