Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
