I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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