Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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