I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
