10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
