On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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