i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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