Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize