Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
