sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
