you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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